My Normal is the most Normal
My Normal is the most Normal
Do you feel a sense of rage and frustration at the world that simply will not conform to what you need it to be. This could probably apply to everyone but more often to minorities. The dominant culture is still driven by pale males no matter what the policies and spin doctors say. As the minority you feel as if you are always making compromises and no matter how hard you try, you do not get heard. Should you continue to try or should you just go somewhere else?
The bad news is that whatever you think you left behind, will just be there waiting at the next station. The good news is that you are not doomed to live your life in misery but the medicine to happiness may not be as simple as you think.
To survive, no, to be happy in a world where you have limited power to create the perfect balance between what your wants and needs are and those of others requires effort and may I suggest wisdom and cunning. I use the book “Playing with the Enemy” as an example of what it took to create profound change and acceptance. I personally have a great admiration for Nelson Mandela and the more I read his story and particularly this book, I have understand why. There are so many lessons to be learnt from Mandela’s leadership strategy. Even when he had the power to play pay-back, he didn’t. He tried to create a world in which people with difference could live together peacefully. The extent to which he humbled himself and compromised for the greater good is beyond my comprehension, but I am happy to pay attention and learn lessons.
By 1995 the ANC had won the elections and Nelson Mandela had all the power (or so one thinks) but to build bridges over many, many years of anger and hatred is not that easy. He took on the task single handedly to convince his own people to support the SA rugby side in the world cup. Rugby and the people playing it, represented everything the struggle had fought against. So convincing his people was a mammoth task. He went on a campaign trail specifically to gain this support. He was booed and the concept rejected by people who adored him. But he won them over – he was very convincing.
He not only understood his enemy, but understood what it would take to achieve his vision and that was more powerful than the smaller compromises he had to make to achieve the greater goal.
So what has that got to do with those who are not country leaders or politicians. I have news for you; leadership happens everywhere and (business is not business without politics) Are there lessons here for those who perceive themselves to be marginalised at work? I suggest you read the book and find your own inspiration. The ignition for me was that once we have a clear picture of what we want, we can develop our strategy and implement the plan and get our ego out of the way.
One of the challenges I deal with in business coaching is how to survive the organisation’s culture? This is the most difficult for people whose ‘normal’ is not the same as the ‘normal’ enacted in the day-to-day transactions in the organisation where they work. This is a process of getting to the point where you understand that there are many scripts of ‘normal’ and that every one has an equal right to exist as does yours. The trick is to learn the rules of each person’s perspective to better connect with them. With this understanding we can then start creating an environment that serves us as well as others. It sounds simple, and it actually is, because all you are changing is your perspective and thinking.
Coaching provides a safe space for you to notice and observe your own social conditioning. You can start challenging how you see situations and develop strategies that leverage your strengths and result in a win-win outcome.
If you feel you would like to stand up and ‘fight’ back and need someone in your corner, contact your personal coach and if you do not have one yet, contact me.
Mariane Vorster 082 921 0057 mhvorster@mweb.co.za
